Just like starting over...

I guess I will have to start right here, right now. It is as good a
place as any. I’m going to skip backstory and jump right in, even though it looks like I started this blog party in '08, I bet I come close to full circle sometimes. Maybe...

It is pretty fucked up that I have to put thought into this
dilemma. Somehow, I ended up just shy of forty, crippled and widowed. Again. And now I see that without a proper chamber maid, I feel ill prepared for this next chapter. I am exhausted by just the thought of squeezing into a hardsided crotch-less merry widow girdle, or reckoning the mid-thigh stop of the gusseted crotch with the top band of the Spanx, roadblocked by the lahar of fat herniating at the bottom of my ribcage. But, a choice will have to be
made. When I am sitting, I can appear larger than I really am, or believe I am. And at least for the minute, I am sitting all the time, like a middle aged beanie baby. My late husband Chip would say sweet nothings like it is better to look pregnant than fat. But that was funny five months ago, and I haven't the luxury of looking neither fat nor knocked up. Not atop my trusty electric steed with sexy aluminum mag wheels and pseudo-grappling hooks to hold the basket that I never use as it makes me look like a little old lady. I shave off some years by taking advantage of my down shirt vantage point from the eyes above, and I am payed handsomely by scads of easy crotch views, which can be rewarding both sexually and comically. Mostly the latter, but every once in a while...Suddenly, I have to whore up every time I go out, like if I lapse in upkeep, my youthful house of cards will collapse, and I will look fragile and hardened, at the same time. I hole up in the bathroom, under the still too bright compact flourescent bulbs, I soften the edges of the narrow fissures and smooth the palate, blurring my face with mineral alchemy--just enough to confuse age and beauty. Is she, or isn’t she? Only I don’t have any idea. Plus, I was exaggerating a little bit. It has only been four and a half months...